Jedi Hallucinations
by Eriks leadinglady
Summary: Oneshot. Anakin drives ObiWan to the brink of insanity. Or is it really Anakin? How far will one drug go to drive ObiWan crazy... R&R!


**A/N:This is just a one-shot that I got an idea for. I think some of the parts are pretty funny, if I do say so myself. Well, please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star wars, McDonalds, Goofy Movie, The hustle orany of the accents.**

**Bar on Coruscant** - 7:20 pm

Anakin splashed the red liquid onto the white shirt that he was wearing, creating a blotch of red.

"Ah!" he cried out while grabbing the red stain. "You've shot me!" He then fell completely limp to the floor.

"Would you stop that Anakin! It is not funny," Obi-Wan said as he stared at his Padawan lying on the floor.

"Aw, come on Master. I was only having a bit o' fun. You need to loosen up, mate."

"Stop talking in those blasted accents! It's terribly annoying! Now come on, we need to go see the Council."

"Cheerio, Master. Cheerio," replied Anakin as he stood up.

"That is not even how you use that word, Anakin!" he shouted, and then added a little more quietly. "Where does he get these things…" Sadly, Anakin still heard him.

"Oh, you know master. When I am having mind-blowing sex with many types of women, these things do tend to come up," Anakin said with a broad grin on his face.

Obi-Wan stopped abruptly and turned around. "ANAKIN!" he yelled with his face turning a bright red.

"I was only kidding Master!" Anakin replied while putting up his hands defensively. "I only have sex with one woman," he added quickly before he took off running.

Behind him he heard Obi-Wan calling his name as he began to chase after him. Anakin began to gain distance on his Master, and he could see his speeder getting closer and closer. Sadly, he forgot to pay attention to where he was going and went falling to the ground after slipping on a piece of glass. As he lay sprawled on the ground, he wondered who would have the nerve to trip him. Interrupting his thoughts, a foot crossed Anakin's vision, causing his eyes to widen in horror as it neared his face. The next moment went by in slow motion for Anakin as he was stepped all over by random feet.

As he struggled to get to his feet, more stank feet trampled him, until he was finally standing once more. When he had regained his composure, Anakin tore out his light saber and killed everything in his sight. Obi-wan saw this and came running over to his Padawan's side.

"Anakin! What have you done?" he asked as he observed all the severed limbs lying about.

"They were like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I HATE THEM!" he screamed.

"You have every right to be mad, but – "

"Fo' schizzle my nizzle," interrupted Anakin.

Obi-wan gave him a quizzical look, but then continued onwards in his lecture. "But what you did was not – "

"Sh!" Anakin interrupted again.

"Excuse – "

"Sh!"

"Wha – "

"Sh!"

"Now you – "

"When something comes along you must zip it. And zip it good," Anakin instructed.

"What are you doing, Anakin?"  
Just then, Anakin broke down… into the Running Man! He was taking it old school.

Obi-Wan grabbed Anakins' arm and began dragging him to the speeder, desperate to not let any more people see his learners' despicable behavior. "Come on, Anakin. I think you need some medical attention." At the word "medical" Anakin began freaking out.

"No! I will not go!" He attempted to get out of his master's grasp, but this only caused Obi-Wan to lift Anakin off the ground by the waist and continued carrying him that way.

"You are coming, Padawan."

"No! I don't want to!" he cried as he kicked his legs as hard as he could. "You're going to stick needles in me! And drugs! And… and… turn me into a stump!"

"We are not going to turn you into a stump, Anakin. Now calm down!"

"I don't wanna become Mr. Stumpy. You're going to ruin me! Make me into a machine, which will ruin my good looks! I knew you were always jealous! It's not my fault I was on the countdown and you weren't!"

"I am not jealous of anything, Anakin!"

"Well then why are you holding me back? Get your arms off me!"

"I am holding you back so that you do not run off and kill more people!"

"I only kill those who take advantage of my situation and walk all over me! My face really hurt after that!"

"And getting a couple of bruises on your face is worth killing civilians?"

"Yes! It takes me hours to do my make-up! And I will not have clumsy idiots ruin it without paying!"

"Pay with their lives? Why not just mug them? That seems kinder to me…"

Abruptly, Anakin stopped all his resisting and stopped moving. Then his face light up like Christmas morning as he took in what Obi-Wan had said.

"That… is… a wonderful idea! I shall go back and steal from their dead bodies! I shall become rich! Rich tell you!" Anakin began to laugh maniacally. Obi-Wan knew that this was the sign of complete insanity, and he instantly dropped Anakin. As Anakin ran away, he stripped off all his clothes and went streaking through the streets.

Obo-Wan sadly watched his Padawan disappear from sight. "Poor boy, he never stood a chance. What was Qui-Gon thinking when he took him in?"

At that moment, Obi-Wan felt something hard hit the back of his head. He glanced all around him to see who had done it, but he saw no one.

_You failed me. You failed him. Now stop standing here like a ninny and go bring him back!_

Obi-wan stood still

_Now! Before I send my minions after you!_

"You don't have any minions! Who are you!"

Before he could get a reply, Obi-Wan once more began to get attacked all over by something invisible.

"I'm going! I'm going!" Obi-Wan gave in as he swiped at the invisible hands and took off after Anakin.

He ran through the streets searching everywhere for his apprentice, but saw him nowhere. Finally, he reached the spot where the dead bodies should have been, but they were there no more. This caused Obi-wan to scratch his head and peer all around him in search for some sign of a dead body, but the ground was bare. Once again Obi-wan began looking for Anakin, and saw him inside a bar, just sitting there… fully clothed?

Looking next to the boy, he saw another Anakin, which was without clothes and dancing around. Obi-Wan glanced about him to see if anyone else noticed this strange behavior, but it seemed no one took any heed. Shrugging his shoulders, he looked back inside, but no longer saw the nude Anakin, only the fully clothed one. This caused Obi-Wan to go get even more confused. At last he decided to go in and at least ask this Anakin what he had been up to. Cautiously he entered the bar, approaching his Padawan with care.

When Anakin heard his Master's footsteps, he looked up, extremely glad to see him. But that gladness quickly turned to anxiousness.

"Where have you been, Master? I have been waiting here for nearly an hour!" accused Anakin.

"But, Anakin, you have been with me the whole time. We were just on the streets and you were killing civilians and stripping and afraid of the Medibay," Obi-Wan said sure of what happened.

Anakin shook his head. "I'm sorry, Master. I do not know what you are talking about. I have been here for the past hour waiting for you to get here. What you have been doing is beyond me."

Obi-wan deeply furrowed his brow at his Padawan's response. By now, he was deeply confused and desperately needed a drink. He summoned a droid over and got the strongest liquor they had.

_Had my whole day really just have been a dream?_

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO OBI-WAN THAT DAY 

**Obi-Wan's apartment – **1:00 pm

He rose slowly from his bed, stretching as he stood. The council had just had him out on a late mission lat night, causing him to sleep in late. But today Obi-wan didn't care, for today was his day off.

He approached his refrigerator in search of some milk. When he found it he reached greedily for it and grabbing a cup from the cabinet, poured the milk. He guzzled the whole glass down quickly, burping when he was all done. Only a few moments after he had finished it, Obi-Wan began to feel a little lightheaded. After only a couple more seconds, he had completely fallen to the floor. The last image he saw before he passed out was a million Anakin's dancing before him.

"Anakin?" he whispered before he went limp.

**Coruscant – location unknown**

"Did you complete your task?"

"Yes. The hallucinogen was placed in the Jedi's drink. He drank it all."

"Good. Now that old fool will be out of the way, and we can commence with the plan."

"Very well. When do I get paid?"

"When she is dead."

**Obi-Wan's apartment** – 4:00 pm

Groggily, Obi-Wan awoke a couple of hours later to Anakin staring eagerly down at him. As his eyes opened, he noticed a smile spread across his Padawan's face.

"Master! Master! You're awake!" he said while bouncing up and down on the chair he was sitting on.

"Yes, I'm awake…" Obi-Wan replied as he slowly sat up from his position on the floor.

"So you're feeling jolly good?" asked Anakin as he leaned in closer to his Master's face.

"'Jolly'… Good?"

"Yes, jolly good."

"What has gotten into you Anakin?" he asked as he rubbed his throbbing head.

"Nothing, Master. Here, drink this." Anakin handed Obi-Wan a glass of water. Obi-Wan gratefully took the beverage and guzzled it down. He looked over at Anakin, who was giving him strange looks.

"What?"

A broad grin spread over the Padawan's face.

"Tickle fight!" he yelled as he pounced on Obi-Wan and tickled his belly.

It took Obi-Wan every ounce of strength he had to not punch Anakin right then and there for doing such an obscure gesture.

"What the blazes do you think you're doing?" yelled Obi-Wan as he pushed Anakin off of him.

"Just having some fun, Master," he replied sheepishly.

"Attacking me is fun?"

"No, Master. But tickling you is because you really do need to smile more."

"I smile all the time!" retorted Obi-Wan defensively.

"Put a smile on. Put a smile on. Everybody come on. Put a smile on," sang Anakin as he swayed back and forth.

Obi-Wan rose from the floor and walked into the kitchen, leaving his singing Padawan behind. Just as he was pouring himself some more water, he heard Anakin begin to sing even louder, this time at the top of his lungs.

"HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES! HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES! HE GOT HIIGGGHHH APPLE PIIIEEEE IN THE SKKKYYY HOPES!"

"SHUT UP, ANAKIN!" Obi-Wan yelled furiously as he slammed down the now empty glass.

"Sorry, Master," Anakin said when he walked into the kitchen. Obi-Wan only nodded his head.

"So what are we going to do today, Master?" he asked innocently.

"I don't know…"

"Can we go party? And get jiggy wit it?" asked Anakin as he began to dance. "Do the hustle! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do," he sang as he did the hustle across the floor. "Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do."

"Calm down, Anakin! This is not like you!"

"Then how do you know it really is me? Is it? Is it? Is it?" questioned Anakin as he brought his face closer and closer to his Master's.

"Get out of me face? I'm surprised that the neighbors haven't you!"

"They can't!" yelled the boy happily. "I killed them!"

"WHAT!"

"I'm just kidding, Master. You know, a man your age shouldn't let me get to you this much. It could… kill you," Anakin's eyes widened with sheer knowledge of this.

"What did they give you when you were a boy?" Obi-Wan asked as he shook his head sadly.

"Don't tell anybody this, Master. But Yoda, he, he gave me… a plant and told me to… smoke it." He nodded his head to emphasis his point.

"I always knew he was smoking something! That's the only logical explanation for the way he talks!"

"Yea… So, are we gonna go party or not?"

"You go ahead, my Padawan. I think I'm going to go have a chat with Master Yoda."

"Shoot yourself, Master," Anakin said as he left the apartment.

Obi-Wan thought about what to say to the old master, and when he decided on something, he hurried over to the Jedi Temple.

When he got there, Obi-Wan first looked in the council room for Yoda, and when he was not there, Obi-Wan hurried down to the archives. Right when he got inside the library, he saw Yoda standing looking at some files. Obi-Wan took a deep breath and then walked over to Yoda, stopping next to him.

"Master Kenobi. Surprised to see you, I am," replied Master Yoda.

"Yes well, I don't know where to begin," Obi-wan started.

"From the beginning, I suggest."

"Alright. I believe that… you are the… Sith lord," said Obi-wan cautiously. Of course, he didn't really believe that, he just wanted to see where this would go.

"Hmmm… interesting this is. For you, question I have. A sith lord, able to do this, would he?"

Yoda threw down he wooden stick and his cloak, preparing himself for something that Obi-Wan had never expected. Master Kenobi watched in horror and awe as Yoda began to do ballet. He twirled and leaped around the archives as Obi-Wan stood staring in disgust.

A few passing Padawan stopped and laughed at the sight, though they were not laughing at Master Yoda. Instead, they were making fun of poor obi-wan, for the sight that they saw was not a Jedi Master doing ballet, but Obi-wan standing in the middle of the hall staring at absolutely nothing, with a strange look on his face.

"I always knew there was something wrong with Master Kenobi," one Padawan whispered to the other as they snickered together.

Of course Obi-Wan took no heed to the laughter, for he was too fascinated by the leaping Yoda before him. At last Yoda twirled away down the hall and out of sight, leaving Obi-wan staring blankly after him.

After a few more moments of staring into space, Obi-Wan finally noticed what time it was. It was nearly 6 pm. Since there was nothing better to do, he decided to go home and watch the news. Of course the Jedi wasn't really interested in watching the news, but he just wanted to make sure that Anakin didn't get into any trouble, since he was acting strangely.

When Obi-Wan got to his apartment and walked inside, he gratefully took in the aloneness that his home offered. After he had gotten a glass of water from the kitchen, Obi-Wan went and sat down in front of the holovision. But before he had a chance to turn it on, a familiar person formed in front of his eyes.

"Q-Qui-Gon?" questioned Obi-Wan as he slightly cocked his head.

There, standing before the confused Jedi, was his formed Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, dressed in a Sombrero and Maracas.

"What are you wearing?" asked Obi-Wan.

"I just got back from Mexico! Arrreba!" Qui-Gon yelled as he shook his body and the Maracas.

"Mexico? Where's that?"

"On Earth, you silly goose."

Before Obi-wan got a chance to reply, he was interrupted by the sound of his communicator.

"H-Hold that thought," said Obi-Wan as he went to go answer his communicator.

"Hello?"

"Obi-Wan? This is Anakin (the real one)," the voice on the other line said.

"Oh good! I've been wondering what you've been up to all day."

"I had… things to do," Anakin responded simply. "But that's isn't important. I must speak with you. Can we meet at the Jawa Bar at 8 o'clock?"

"Alright, Anakin. I'll be there."

Then he hung up the device and went back to face Qui-Gon, who was just getting ready to leave.

"Leaving so soon?" asked Obi-Wan sadly. "But I wanted you to come with me to meet Anakin at the Haru Bar at seven."

"Sorry, but I'm off to Paris! Au Revoir!" said Qui-Gon before he disappeared.

After he had disappeared, Obi-Wan hung his head, realizing that he really did miss his Master. When he looked up, he noticed the time and quickly grabbed his cloak and rushed out the door. Obi-Wan went as fast as he could in his speeder, for he didn't want to be late in his meeting with Anakin.

There below him was the Haru Bar, which was bustling with people. Once he landed his vehicle, Obi-Wan leapt out and ran into the bar. When he reached Anakin, who was sitting alone at a table, it was 7:15 pm.

"So sorry I'm late, Anakin," explained obi-Wan.

"Late?" questioned Anakin as he tilted his head to the left. "I didn't even know you were coming."

"What? But you told me to meet you here."

"Nope," said Anakin as he played with a napkin. "But since you're here, why don't you have a seat and order a drink. You can also order me something, since they wouldn't serve me anything."

"Alright, but you are only getting a Shirley Temple! No alcohol for you!" said Obi-wan as he sat opposite of Anakin. Little did he know that the real Anakin was just getting to the Jawa Bar across the street.

Obi-Wan ordered the drinks, and they were there within a few seconds. Moments of silence came to pass, and Anakin began to get bored. He played with his red drink and got a bright idea, at least he thought it was. In a fluent moment, Anakin had a splotch of red on his shirt, which brought Obi-wan back to the moment when he chased his Padawan through the Coruscant streets.

**JAWA BAR** – 8:30 pm

"What happened to me?" asked Obi-Wan as he found himself once more sitting across from Anakin. He had just finished telling his Padawan his whole story of what had happened to him that day. Obi-Wan was truly stumped on what happened.

"Well, Master, it sounds to me like you had a hallucinogen put into your drink that afternoon, causing you to see all the people you did today. Everything that happened was only a figment of your imagination," reasoned Anakin.

"But who would drug me? And why?"

"Someone clearly wanted you out of the way. And that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Master."

"Out with it, boy!" commanded Obi-Wan.

"Settle down, Master. It was nothing serious. I handled it just fine. There was just another attempt on Senator Amidala's life."

"What?"

"Not to worry, Master. I got there in time and chased after the bounty hunter. I caught up with him and killed him," explained Anakin matter-of-factly.

"But why would they want me out of the way?" questioned Obi-Wan.

"You were the one assigned to protect the Senator. And with you out of the way, they thought that she would be unprotected. They underestimated me. But they paid greatly for that."

"Yes, I'm sure they did…" said Obi-Wan softly

"The council sent me to ask you where you were today and why you weren't there to protect her. And, I'm sure they'll agree with me when I say this, you need to watch what you drink more carefully, Master," Anakin said with a smile.

Obi-wan laughed too. "Yes, no more milk for me."

**Is is a fanfiction sin to read and not review!**


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